Pick Up Line with a Twist

I guess it was to be expected….

Walking the trail, I see all sorts of people. Most folks greet you with a blink-nod. This is just the slightest nod of acknowledgement. The head is lowered in a nanosecond nod that is barely discernable to the naked eye. Runners are more apt to say something like, “Hey.” This is southern talk for “’Mornin’. Hope y’all are doing well today and, by the way, how’s the family?”

Here are some of the people I have met—passed—on the trail:

Flaming Senior – This lady is perhaps 80 years old. Dresses in bright yellow spandex short shorts with no underwear. Don’t ask. You can just tell. Shocking purple tank top. Don’t even ask. And flaming red hair that is totally out of control. She can outrun me any day.

Asian Belly Slapper – Beautiful petite lady. I see her regardless of the time of day I walk. Whether I go to the left or to the right, I pass her in the oncoming traffic. She slaps her belly with alternate hands in sync with each jogging footstep.

Distinguished Overachiever – A nice looking man in his early sixties. He runs 12 miles several times a week over the rough trail. I see him often and we speak occasionally at the end of the trail. I asked him about the effect this has on his knees (not the effect of talking to me – the stress from running!). He has to ice his knees down every single night. And yet, he keeps running.

One day, a man was jogging toward me. We exchanged polite blink-nods accompanied by, “Hey.” Now, I’ve got to tell you. This was one hot guy. Not that I notice such things. He was just a bit younger than me—probably in his mid-thirty’s. Did I mention he was ripped? We’re talking pecs and six-pack here. Not that I notice such things.

After he passed by, I heard his steps slow. Then I heard footsteps approaching me from behind. Rather than passing me, he fell into step beside me.

“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I said. (“Well, hel-lo, there!” I thought!)
“How ya doin’?” he asked.
“Great. And you?”
“I’m fine.”
(“You certainly are!” thought I.) But aloud I said, “That’s good.”
“So….do you walk the trail often?”
“A couple of times a week,” I answered.
“Do you always walk in the evening?”
(When would you like me to walk?) “No. I just walk whenever I can make the time.”
“Oh,” he said. Was it my imagination or did he sound disappointed?
“Can I ask you a question?”
I knew I was going to have to break his heart eventually, but he was just SO cute!
“Sure.”
“Are you married?”
Oh! My goodness! Was this really happening to me? Pinch me! I know I’m not dreaming because I’m not snoring! Do I have to tell the truth? Does it really matter? This is quite flattering. It took me ‘way too long to answer.
“Yes. I am.” (I’m thinking…and I have been since you were in kindergarten!)
“Oh,” he said. This time I’d swear he sounded genuinely disappointed.
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, my mom died about four months ago and my dad is so lonely. I just thought maybe I could introduce you to him.”
“You know,” I replied, “I just passed a lady you might be interested in. If you run real fast, you'll be able to catch up with her. She’s wearing bright yellow spandex shorts.”