Wow!

Be honest. You've been tempted--as I have been. There is something fascinating about the fact that you could actually experience this. You find it titillating that others have tried it and you have not. How many times have I (and you, let's be honest here) seriously considered picking up the phone and dialing that number? I've had a great desire to do so, but just could never carry through. As a result of my reluctance, I've always felt that somehow I was missing out on one of life's great experiences.

Well, last week, I attended a trade show in Las Vegas. As I wandered aimlessly through the thousands of booths, overwhelmed and feeling lost, I was drawn to a particular booth where a live demonstration was being conducted. Right there in front of my very eyes, I witnessed the marvel take place. No trick photography. No slight of hand. I was in the second row of a growing crowd of gawkers. I'm not easily persuaded. I'm a skeptic. And I like to hang on to my money. But this was truly amazing.

I watched in awe as the young man poured a half liter of Sam's Cola on the counter and soaked it up with just one swipe of this amazing cloth. My jaw dropped when I saw this miracle product slurp up the cola from the patch of white carpet leaving no trace on the carpet or the surface beneath it.

Then came the time of reckoning. This young evangelist asked for a commitment. Explaining that by taking advantage of this outstanding opportunity, I would not have to pay shipping and handling because I would walk away with the amazing product. He had me. I'd always wanted one...and here it was less than five feet from my grasp.

But wait! That's not all! If I would put my hand inside my purse and bring out my money or credit card right now within the next 15 seconds, he would double the offer!! I was so excited! I could have one for every member of my family and still have enough to last me a lifetime. Look at what I would save in paper towels alone! Only seven of us out of the crowd of, say, fifteen or twenty potential proselytes made the cut. And I was one.

After signing my credit card receipt for just $25 plus tax, I walked away with four giant-sized (which I can cut into as many pieces as I want) and four handy kitchen-sized Sham-Wows! Well, except they weren't exactly Sham-Wows but a very convincing generic.

And, well, I had to carry these giant bright yellow and blue things with me throughout the show for the rest of the day. They did, however, spawn many interesting conversations.

People stopped to ask where the Sham-Wow booth was. (I could not have found my way back there if I tried.) They asked if the guy from TV was there. (No. But this guy was even better!) I was asked if they were giving the cloths away for free. (I wish!) They asked if I liked them. (Unfortunately, I hadn't spilled anything yet.) I was asked if the word across my forehead was really S-U-C-K-E-R. (Pretty sure that was the case.)

I can't wait to wash my car...but it's too cold. Oh, yeah. I pay someone to do that for me. I keep hoping to spill something major, but can't even remember the last time that happened. I'm trying to recall all those incredible things he said these Sham-Wow knockoffs were perfect for.

So here I sit with four giant-sized and four convenient kitchen-sized amazing towel-like shams and all I can think is, "Wow! He was good."

No Shoes This Week

It had been 38 hours since my last Diet Coke. I was a junkie desperate for a fix. I stopped at 7-11 for a Big Gulp. I inhaled deeply and eagerly on the straw. I felt a certain euphoria as the ice cold fix of caffeine coursed through my veins. My mood improved. My energy increased. I was ready to shop!

As I entered Hilton Village, I recognized the 25 MPH sign as my reminder to slow down...which I began to do immediately. Honest. I did. But not soon enough. At the same moment, I recognized the car sitting in the parking lot. Inside the car was one of my fair city's finest dressed in blue. My passing by seemed to activate the flashing blue lights on top of the vehicle. It pulled effortlessly in behind me.

I worked my way ever so slowly to the right lane then turned reluctantly onto the side street. Seeing the blonde ponytail hanging from the blue cap, I knew that no amount of tears was going to dissuade this public servant from her mission. Her voice was soft and very kind as she requested to see my license and registration. Then she calmly explained that I was traveling 41 in a 25 mile zone.

I began to explain. "I realized I was going too fast as soon as I saw the sign. I mean, I always forget to slow down when I pass through here. Never mind, I think I'll be quiet now."

I seem to remember blogging (See "Living Outside the Law" 9/16/08) about how we should be thankful when we see someone pulled over. I made some insane comment about "if not for them, it could have been me."

I just hope someone said a word of thanks as they passed by me on Saturday. I hope they understood and acknowledged that they were driving too quickly by, on their way to the mall, only because I was keeping Officer Cooper occupied. The sacrifices I make for you people!

That caffeine rush cost me two pairs of shoes!